International Marriages

[Mikepass]

Originally Posted by ESL Teacher

For me, race seems to play a part of the decision. Let me explain.

I've spent 10 years learning Japanese and living in Japan. Hence, I have a Japanese girlfriend. Well I did that is. Then last Xmas I headed back to South Africa for the holidays. Whilst in SA, I met a stunner of a Korean woman. She really liked me and vice versa. We were only together for 1 week before I went back to Japan.

We kept in contact for a few months before I told her that our relationship wont work. Reason being is that she is Korean and I have no idea about the Korean culture. I love Japan, the culture and understand it so well. So it's only fitting I be either with a Japanese girl or caucasion girl.

Understand where I'm coming from?

I met a Korean girl in Australia and knew nothing of Korean culture. I am learning as I go, what a ride. We are now married with a young boy and things couldn't be better. We are off to Korea in February for a few years so I can learn the culture, the language and a little more about my "Korean Family."

Culture and race shouldn't be the determining factor in a relationship. All relationships have a large learning curve, we have to learn about our partners, what makes them tick and how to relate to them. Culture is a mind set, if you can learn from it then I think one becomes a better person. If you fight against it then incompatibilities surface. I have seen incompatabilities between people of the same culture and visa versa. If you work hard at any relationship it will work. If you build walls it won't.

[bfrediani]

I'm with Doogie on this one.

I met a Chinese girl recently, and even though she looks at me like I am lunatic (which some may say is true), I am just blown away. Maybe that's half the attraction.

[Motivated]

Interesting topic...

I live and teach in Mongolia, and being a strapping young lad I naturally have a Mongolian girlfriend Compared with past relationships (girls of my own nationality) it's a largely rewarding and at the same time a sometimes frustrating relationship to be in:

Pros:

1. There is so much more to learn about your partner because of cultural difference. Besides getting to know them as a person you also get to learn a lot about their culture, which naturally influences who they are. Unlike in your native country where both partners mutually understand their culture/way of life, being with a foreigner paves the way for many interesting and stimulating conversations - something I believe goes a long way in maintaining a long lasting realtionship/marriage.

2. You develop a strong mutual bond very quickly because of language constraints, amongst other things. While I do study the Mongolian language there are lots of everyday situations where I don't always understand what is being said. Having a partner to help gives you a sense of 'reliance' (I can't think of a better word right now ) - this works vice versa, meaning you and your partner learn to work as a team a lot earlier than people generally do in same nationality relationships. (Hmmm...does this make sense to anyone else??!!)

3. It's a great incentive to learn another language. My level of Mongolian has gone from sick hyena impersonation to pat-on-my-own-back confident in less than a year! My gf's English was fairly poor and within this year she has learnt ten times more English than what she did during her 4 years of university study, just from hanging out with me and other expats. It's a win-win situation

4. Both sides get to taste 'exotic' meals that they wouldn't normally get in a same nationality relationship, and you get to learn some new and interesting recipes! (although in the case of Mongolia mutton done 50 different ways does seem a bit bland after a while!!). I recently managed to find taco shells in Ulaanbaatar (sometimes it's a treasure hunt to find nice imported things) and it gave me a good laugh when my gf asked 'what IS this food??' My gf at age 26 also has absolutely no idea what McDonalds is - God bless her cotton socks!!

5. You will always have another country in the world to go to on holidays where you are welcomed as part of the family instead of being just another tourist.

6. Should you marry and have children they get to grow up bilingual, which can be very beneficial.

7. Arguments are rare - unless you're fluent in the native tongue it's a largely pointless exercise!!!

8. You get to celebrate twice the amount of national/cultural celebrations - my gf now gets drunk on Anzac Day and I get to drink lots of vodka during Tsaagan Sar holiday!!

Cons:

1. While the conversation side of things is largely a good thing, naturally there are times when your point is 'lost in translation'. Sometimes it's frustrating, but have patience!

2. Taking your partner home to your native country is not an easy thing to do for many reasons: will she be able to adapt? what kind of work could she do? will she get homesick after 6 months and run home, leaving me high and dry? How difficult is the beaureacratic process? These are just some of the important questions that have to be dealt with and there often aren't any black and white answers.

3. Watching movies together cuddled up on the lounge isn't so great if one of you only understands some of the movie!

4. Cultural peculiarities: We all have them, potential problem. Nuff said.

Reading back through this post I notcie that some things, particularly language-related issues, may seem contradictory, but that's just how it works!!

My relationship has taught me how to be patient and to have a greater tolerance for perceived shortcomings. I'm no Dr. Phil but I can easily see the potential for a long-lasting, stimulating and above all, interesting relationship.

Anyways, that's just my opinion, and it's where I'm at after almost a year in a serious realtionship. Would love to hear from others about their experiences.

[cool ice]

I have dated some nationalities that don't speak English as their native tongue. At the beginning of the relationship, it's very exciting, I suppose because love alway is in the early stages.

BUT as time progresses, I find myself getting bored because the level of conversation that I am used to with women from native English speaking countries is just not there. Conversation and meaningful talk is everything in a relationship. I want to discuss my past, what I watched on TV, and so on, but find this increasingly difficult when dating Asians.

Now my quest is to find a cute native English speaker chickie babe, and try to have her light my fire!

I need quality conversation. Am bored with talking about shopping, travelling and other bull.

[Moebius]

I voted that love is love! Who cares where someone comes from, as long as they rock your world!
Unfortunately though i've come to see that the majority of people think that international relationships are okay if its a white guy with the international girlfriend. Especially around Melbourne all i see are asian women with rich white men.

I hope someone on this forum can present some differing views, because as a white women, it feels like we as a whole miss out. That kinda leaves me disheartened.
Anyone with a story to make me eat my words? Please?

[Jason]

From the results, it definitely seems the majority are keen for cross cultural romance. I think it's also a swell idea.

I think you see the majority of white men with asian women versus asian men with white women is cause asian men seem a bit feminine. I think white women want more masculine boyfriends.

Moebius, have you ever thought about trying an asian man? Or just not interested? Cause the majority of white women I come across, they just cannot get turned on by asian men.

[Moebius]

Hmm, guess i never thought that it could be the women themselves causing asian men to turn away. I suppose its quite possible, especially given that tv shows and movies promote nothing but buffed up tan muscle! lol

As for finding asian men attractive, one of my favorite actors, Jet Li, is insanely handsome! And i've seen many just as attractive around Melbourne, they just dont look my way twice!

Hopefully, in the years to come, people will view interracial relationships no differently than relationships between two people from two differing states.

[exported_kiwi]

I voted: love is love.

I've had a Chinese gf for the past 2.5 years now and although we have our problems, we're still us and still planning a future ahead, together. We have a few cultural differences but these pale into comparison for the benefits that I receive, as does she. We have a mutually supporting and incredibly loving relationship and I haveta tellya, I wouldn't trade her for anything! Love isn't something to be feared. Love is something that happens and when we're lucky enough to find it, we should hold on tight, never let go and cherish it coz if we lost it, we'd know misery and life's too damn short for that!

Peace y'all!

[jdarc]

I am married to a Japanese woman, we have our problems but then again when I have had relationships in the past with English caucasian women I have had similar problems, basically men and women will never understand each other so you have to give and take.

[kdavid]

Dating outside of your culture certainly keeps things interesting.

I'm currently engaged to a beautiful Chinese girl. The biggest problem we have is her family, who is absolutely petrified about her not living in China later down the road.

Her parents also tend to believe (and in some respects, rightfully so) that all foreigners are unfaithful and inevitably get divorced. Only time will help me prove them wrong.