What is Marriage for You?
The number of single women has been increasing in Japan. Many of them have good jobs and enjoy single life. I have very close female friends. Most of them are still single, but they all have great jobs and have a good time at weekends enjoying hobbies or dating their boyfriends. Looking at them, I sometimes wonder if
marriage is really necessary or not. This question must be the one that many japanese weddingsingle women also have in their mind.
Thinking of my single friends, one of them says,
"I want to marry someday, but not yet. I want to do many things before marriage."
Another says,
"I don’t want to be tied down to household tasks. It takes away my own spare time."
The other says,
"I have a good job and nice boyfriend. He and I might live together in the future. But why should I persist in marriage?"
Especially the last opinion made me distressed because I couldn’t find the answer by myself.
We can live together, we can have a baby and bring him/her up, we can get older together: we can do these things all without marriage. These days the number of couples who get divorced has also been
increasing rapidly even in Japan. Without marriage, those couples have no troubles of the paperwork to the public office or going to court. If they don’t want to live together anymore, they just have a discussion and decide. That’s all. If they have children, the situation may be a little complicated, though.
Anyway, marriage is restrained by the law. If we don’t marry, can we be more free and have a chance to decide their life?
These days the number of couples who get divorced has also been increasing rapidly even in Japan. Without marriage, those couples have no troubles of the paperwork to the public office or going to court. If they don’t want to live together anymore, they just have a discussion and decide. That’s all. If they have children, the situation may be a little complicated, though.
Then I think of my own marriage. My life totally changed after marriage. For instance, I moved from Okayama to Akashi and began to live with my husband. Everyday I have to do many household tasks such as cooking or cleaning. My last name became Nogami, and it means that I already belong to my husband’s family, not my parents’ one. First I had no acquaintances in Akashi and was a stranger around here. I started to work in a new place. Like this, especially women’s life completely becomes different after marriage. Actually I have lots to do every day and don’t have much time for myself.
On the other hand, being with someone special (husband) makes me relieved and easy. Whenever feeling tired, I can ask him to help me with household things. Life seems fun if we do something together. Some people may say,
"We can do that without marriage."
That is true. But marriage gives us a sense of responsibility. My husband said once,
"I have my own family now. When the idea comes to my mind, I feel I have to do my best at work for my family."
Having a family gives us strength and energy to survive everyday life. The bond between families is important. Moreover, being someone’s wife doesn’t mean someone’s possession. It gives me a priority, which means that I am the first person to be called soon if there is something wrong with my husband. Wherever I am, someone will definitely find me out and let me know that my husband is ill or something. If he and I were not a couple, the person would call his parents first.
A sense of "not being alone" always warms my heart. Such feeling didn’t occur to me while he and I were just dating before marriage.
A sense of marriage is different one another. Some people will enjoy marriage, but others will not. Marriage is just one of the types of life that a man and a woman live together. In the future, various types of marriage may occur, or marriage itself may disappear and be taken place in by something new. But now I enjoy this marriage very much and am very lucky to live with my husband.
Yuko Nogami
(English Student - Okubo, Japan)