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Motivated · Wed 07-Mar-07, 12:31 PM

Interesting topic...

I live and teach in Mongolia, and being a strapping young lad

I naturally have a Mongolian girlfriend

Compared with past relationships (girls of my own nationality) it's a largely rewarding and at the same time a sometimes frustrating relationship to be in:

Pros:

1. There is so much more to learn about your partner because of cultural difference. Besides getting to know them as a person you also get to learn a lot about their culture, which naturally influences who they are. Unlike in your native country where both partners mutually understand their culture/way of life, being with a foreigner paves the way for many interesting and stimulating conversations - something I believe goes a long way in maintaining a long lasting realtionship/marriage.

2. You develop a strong mutual bond very quickly because of language constraints, amongst other things. While I do study the Mongolian language there are lots of everyday situations where I don't always understand what is being said. Having a partner to help gives you a sense of 'reliance' (I can't think of a better word right now

) - this works vice versa, meaning you and your partner learn to work as a team a lot earlier than people generally do in same nationality relationships. (Hmmm...does this make sense to anyone else??!!)

3. It's a great incentive to learn another language. My level of Mongolian has gone from sick hyena impersonation to pat-on-my-own-back confident in less than a year! My gf's English was fairly poor and within this year she has learnt ten times more English than what she did during her 4 years of university study, just from hanging out with me and other expats. It's a win-win situation

4. Both sides get to taste 'exotic' meals that they wouldn't normally get in a same nationality relationship, and you get to learn some new and interesting recipes! (although in the case of Mongolia mutton done 50 different ways does seem a bit bland after a while!!). I recently managed to find taco shells in Ulaanbaatar (sometimes it's a treasure hunt to find nice imported things) and it gave me a good laugh when my gf asked 'what IS this food??' My gf at age 26 also has absolutely no idea what McDonalds is - God bless her cotton socks!!

5. You will always have another country in the world to go to on holidays where you are welcomed as part of the family instead of being just another tourist.

6. Should you marry and have children they get to grow up bilingual, which can be very beneficial.

7. Arguments are rare - unless you're fluent in the native tongue it's a largely pointless exercise!!!

8. You get to celebrate twice the amount of national/cultural celebrations - my gf now gets drunk on Anzac Day and I get to drink lots of vodka during Tsaagan Sar holiday!!

Cons:

1. While the conversation side of things is largely a good thing, naturally there are times when your point is 'lost in translation'. Sometimes it's frustrating, but have patience!

2. Taking your partner home to your native country is not an easy thing to do for many reasons: will she be able to adapt? what kind of work could she do? will she get homesick after 6 months and run home, leaving me high and dry? How difficult is the beaureacratic process? These are just some of the important questions that have to be dealt with and there often aren't any black and white answers.

3. Watching movies together cuddled up on the lounge isn't so great if one of you only understands some of the movie!

4. Cultural peculiarities: We all have them, potential problem. Nuff said.

Reading back through this post I notcie that some things, particularly language-related issues, may seem contradictory, but that's just how it works!!

My relationship has taught me how to be patient and to have a greater tolerance for perceived shortcomings. I'm no Dr. Phil but I can easily see the potential for a long-lasting, stimulating and above all, interesting relationship.

Anyways, that's just my opinion, and it's where I'm at after almost a year in a serious realtionship. Would love to hear from others about their experiences.

Wed 07-Mar-07, 12:31 PM	#13 (permalink)
Motivated Wannabe Guru Join Date: Aug 2006 Nationality: Aussie Occupation: Vodka Tester Location: Posts: 30	Re: International Marriages Interesting topic... I live and teach in Mongolia, and being a strapping young lad I naturally have a Mongolian girlfriend Compared with past relationships (girls of my own nationality) it's a largely rewarding and at the same time a sometimes frustrating relationship to be in: Pros: 1. There is so much more to learn about your partner because of cultural difference. Besides getting to know them as a person you also get to learn a lot about their culture, which naturally influences who they are. Unlike in your native country where both partners mutually understand their culture/way of life, being with a foreigner paves the way for many interesting and stimulating conversations - something I believe goes a long way in maintaining a long lasting realtionship/marriage. 2. You develop a strong mutual bond very quickly because of language constraints, amongst other things. While I do study the Mongolian language there are lots of everyday situations where I don't always understand what is being said. Having a partner to help gives you a sense of 'reliance' (I can't think of a better word right now ) - this works vice versa, meaning you and your partner learn to work as a team a lot earlier than people generally do in same nationality relationships. (Hmmm...does this make sense to anyone else??!!) 3. It's a great incentive to learn another language. My level of Mongolian has gone from sick hyena impersonation to pat-on-my-own-back confident in less than a year! My gf's English was fairly poor and within this year she has learnt ten times more English than what she did during her 4 years of university study, just from hanging out with me and other expats. It's a win-win situation 4. Both sides get to taste 'exotic' meals that they wouldn't normally get in a same nationality relationship, and you get to learn some new and interesting recipes! (although in the case of Mongolia mutton done 50 different ways does seem a bit bland after a while!!). I recently managed to find taco shells in Ulaanbaatar (sometimes it's a treasure hunt to find nice imported things) and it gave me a good laugh when my gf asked 'what IS this food??' My gf at age 26 also has absolutely no idea what McDonalds is - God bless her cotton socks!! 5. You will always have another country in the world to go to on holidays where you are welcomed as part of the family instead of being just another tourist. 6. Should you marry and have children they get to grow up bilingual, which can be very beneficial. 7. Arguments are rare - unless you're fluent in the native tongue it's a largely pointless exercise!!! 8. You get to celebrate twice the amount of national/cultural celebrations - my gf now gets drunk on Anzac Day and I get to drink lots of vodka during Tsaagan Sar holiday!! Cons: 1. While the conversation side of things is largely a good thing, naturally there are times when your point is 'lost in translation'. Sometimes it's frustrating, but have patience! 2. Taking your partner home to your native country is not an easy thing to do for many reasons: will she be able to adapt? what kind of work could she do? will she get homesick after 6 months and run home, leaving me high and dry? How difficult is the beaureacratic process? These are just some of the important questions that have to be dealt with and there often aren't any black and white answers. 3. Watching movies together cuddled up on the lounge isn't so great if one of you only understands some of the movie! 4. Cultural peculiarities: We all have them, potential problem. Nuff said. Reading back through this post I notcie that some things, particularly language-related issues, may seem contradictory, but that's just how it works!! My relationship has taught me how to be patient and to have a greater tolerance for perceived shortcomings. I'm no Dr. Phil but I can easily see the potential for a long-lasting, stimulating and above all, interesting relationship. Anyways, that's just my opinion, and it's where I'm at after almost a year in a serious realtionship. Would love to hear from others about their experiences.